Mixed Feelings…

It may be a mistake to put this online since many will find it disturbing to read and might question how I could feel this way, but after thinking about it, I wanted to be honest about things.

Many years ago, I was watching Joyce Meyer when she commented that people in the public eye only show their good side. I decided that if I ever was in the position that people wanted to know me, they would know all of me and that includes things like this and these feelings, to only show the nice and pleasant side would make me a hypocrite in the highest manner and I don’t want that.


I was driving earlier today when I heard about the passing of Jerry Falwell this morning. I must admit that it has really made me pause as I have REALLY disliked this man for over 20 years.

Jerry FalwellWhen I first came out to California in 1981 and was in a religious half-way house off Hollywood Blvd, he was one of the many people we were allowed to watch on television, only the local TBN (Trinity Broadcasting) and Dr euGene Scott on whatever station he was on at the time.

I became a fan of Scott when the infamous “Amazing Grace” scandal took place and Falwell was one of the many ministers that blasted Scott for not being able to sing worth a darn. I always got the feeling that Falwell was a stick in the mud and a few years later became convinced that my original opinion had been correct. Around late 1983 to early 1984, the AIDS epidemic was taking hold and Falwell in his usually tactless fashion stood in his pulpit and declared AIDS to be “God’s judgement on homosexuality” while claiming it was due to Gay people’s flaunting the will of God. Two of my personal favorites that are attributed to him are:

AIDS is not just God’s punishment for homosexuals; it is God’s punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals.

AIDS is the wrath of a just God against homosexuals. To oppose it would be like an Israelite jumping in the Red Sea to save one of Pharaoh’s charioteers.

After he said such things, I became part of the collection of people who would request his information and then stuff it full of junk mail or paper shreds and send it back to him so that he would have to pay the postage. It must have worked since not long after, he stopped sending postage paid envelopes.

My first car had a bumper sticker on it that read:

The Moral Majority
is neither

I have been trying to think of something nice to say since I have always felt you should say something kind of the dead and the only thing I can think of is that he died quickly and didn’t linger.

As much as I feel for his family and those who will miss him, I find it nearly impossible to find any sorrow for him. The fact is that he made his bed of hatred and will spend some time dealing with the repercussions that will have upon his soul and its karmas. It is apparent to me that I have been infected with his hatred and will have to work on that and make sure that I never fall into the trap of it that he seems to have.

As much as this bothers me to write this, I find it amazing to know that I really have that much animosity towards him. I would never have wished him harm, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to miss him in the slightest. I heard a little while ago that former President Jimmy Carter once said of Jerry Falwell that “he could, in a most Christian manner, go to hell.” Jimmy Carter is such a kind man that it really tells you what kind of man this must have been to elicit such a comment. The sickening part is that in the name of “political correctness” everyone will be saying such nice things about someone that many despised so heavily.

The saddest part is that this man had the opportunity to lead many souls to God and instead, though I’m sure he would have thought otherwise, he damaged many and I know a few that he and those like him have basically killed with their hatred and closed-mindedness, if there is anything that I am sad about, these lost chances would be it.

Written by R. A. Burgener

After finishing the 850 mile trek of self-rediscovery on California's El Camino Real from San Diego to Sonoma, California, Robert continued, via Greyhound, to Portland, Oregon, where he is becoming familiar with the concepts of weather and seasons after 30 years in Los Angeles.

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